Weirdos Utopia Thursday, August 25, 2005

This is from the old Iturf Friends forever messageboards, For some reason I saved the whole thread for your enjoyment. Each three words is another post so that is why it makes no sense.

THERE ONCE WAS A fat bitch who ate some yummy yummy saugsage and traveled to the nether regions of my belly. Of Khris's Ass It liked neden and Faygo lots Juggalo, It was indeed it was It killed with a bloody axe He hunted big prick Feminem boys And cut off their tiny wee-wees then he stole sexy pics of Fat naked Chicks the queen khristophelle named Kevin Juggalo He killed Char-lo and people named Dr. Lollipop Johnson Linz and tJ. He drank blood and peed bile and ate cookies No...Not that.... god damn juggalos and he soon Kills tJ AGAIN piss me off thought of a he was a position called the Kansas City FLIP-FLOP yes it's true! I think you're a rotating zamboni. a pissant moron JOHNSON THE JACKHAMMER Likes bootybumpin' elves that suck some popcorn flavoured icing that tasted fishy. But then, suddenly... Pam came along, wearing a thong made of cheese. the ultimate sleaze! and smelled of HOT GARBAGE! Later... she will change into some really weird looking oven mits. Then..she went to Montrose Park to bake oatmeal cookies.that smelled like a trolls armpit so Pam decided...to have a..lesbian slag party... but then she.. remembered about her...enchanted sword from..the home of... George Bush. She...called up her...pimp who told... her to order..a crusty cheeseburger with fries and big crusty toes covered in a flock of geese who shit on my great gran this story sucks. said Tj as he ate Brady. who was covered with dog feces. Brady then killed somebody named bill a rabid gopher. who was from The gopher was Really a troll who licked little then he choked on some pickles oh my! he cried in exasperation "It's stuck he is going to the temple of bananas where dogs rule over the planet of apes who were at suddenly felt a whoops I mean ...a place called Krynn, land of fuzzy wuzzies. then angels and dragons flew everywhere. Then Shaina beat your dog!" Amalia became unhappy with you 'cause you didn't Give her a giant choclate-chip cookie with blue dots with boogers and dildos named Fredrico who liked people that smelled like dildos named Fredrico. that liked to fly up into the mountains of dildos named Fredrico. Come see them yes, do that or suffer the wrath of poo! said the duck as she walked Out the door and slipped down On her arse Into a puddle filled with dildos named Fredrico...then the underpants gnomes she made cookies using the dildos and they ate the yummy cookies. i want some! and "yuck" said little johnny pumpkinhead and blew up. So then the wizards of the underdoodle bumheads called The Union Jockstraps They flew on and on and on and on ...top of Brady.til they landed in a flowery meadow but suddenly Fredrico.... pulled out his Flamingly pink homosexual "Eeep" said Brady as he danced to the Elven Monster Funk Band. so the giraffe sucked Brady's dick he sucked like a vacuum attached to the groinal is groinal a word, eh? screaming about some leech attached to khris's elbow while she kicked her best friend's boyfriend's well used private "ow" he said As he saw the goat run into the hot banana and cucumber sunset while doing unspeakable things to somebody named Zeke who was attatched to a wagon to Brady's kidney. which was bleeding from some hole which was shaped like a puppy. Suddenly a glowing turd with sparkles came out of a fat oozing pickle sandwhich and began flying toward th ruby clouds what ruby clouds?? Those clouds that rain on grass "Yay!" said Brady! while whipping out his cheesecake pan. And strawberries sauce. but just then out of nowhere came the Lord who spoketh unto his loyal subjects "Thou shalt not fuck with guido while using a spud on wheels oh fuck man The Rabid chimp humped Brady's leg and then he kissed the ground as he ate ham, turkey, and spam sandwich with very poor grammar. suddenly he died shut UP mofo changin my name This fails to make any sense But we're having a funtabulous time! FUNTABULOUS or ¡Fantabulous!? ,the sacred words, of members of a monkey tribe who dance like men without hats THE SAFETY DANCE!!!!!!!! *Bump* It's alive! But for howlong? Forever and ever! until the end of the story. But the story remains stuck like it'll end sometime But not now because Khris and purple hairy pickles could never cooperate. How interesting that Khris hated pickles and this fact Is definately revolting because everyone knows Pickles are awesome especially when they But what about Bob? He was in real trouble because he said "what the fuck" three different times. before the clock midnight last week on a day that was rainy oh, so rainy that it drowned that poor day... off the calendar. so now that that day of frolicking in the pooring rain was New Year's baby!!!! everyone got drunk and weren't sober duh! After sex, they had more marishino cherries to put on naked dildos named Fredrico while at the house of kinkiness drinking champaigne and setting ties on the 300th post of the never ever ending story that will end NEVER! but maybe it will end very very soon....So anywho Fredrico (remember, the dildo) decided to jump off a bridge with a stone tied to his feet, which was the style at the dildo mansion where he lived. The problem was the wallpaper looked like it had been eaten by the mother of the dildo mansion's first owner, who was ugly as Tommy Lee Jones and his mother had ugly teeth that she used for indescrete purposes for example, to bite carrots off the wallpaper in the dildo mansion. She was a strange woman who liked eating socks. She peed in a bucket that hopped around like it was human. But now the bucket grew teeth and started eating other buckets' handles. the woman's fake left nipple was about to drip its milk into Peter's hair, but Peter was bald since he tried to pull it with a pickle for a perm done by his phone-answering goat. It hurt so much that his hemmerhoids were jealous of the pain. "Owch," he said then the hemmerhoids killed each other by twirling canes in a duel where one licked the other's inner nostril which was actually prosthetic. Suddenly a dragon swung his big spoon around, but dropped the set of sporks all over the pooltable. Khris ravished Anne Marie without end, when the mannequins melted after seeing too many flying lentils crash into the fan. Then some grotesquely large penguins threw fried chicken into Mt. Doom and it exploded! AND..... THE END MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I ENDED THE STOREY!!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA of all evil shall never come because evil tends to cackle lots just like Khris eating tater tots with tartar sauce But then the four hundredth post watched dirty dancing and got all-your-based (that's one word, i swear!) belongs to us and so the feces throwing monkeys eat the vegetarian burgers at wendy's where the drivethough was busted tohell(that's one word i swear) The monkeys decided to take over the iturf sushibar and the world! Linz is very much a WIERDO Khris shuts up... seldom because she has a mouth that belongs on anything that is sexy and grotesquly deformed so much that she'd bite my cute ear big fat head Then she saw a big fat Piece of POO walking across the official poo bridge on official business that was supposed to be Poopface but it really was a hoax The poop loved To dance to Maureen singing like a dying cat Cuz I don't Maureen replied with as I danced To the beat of the spam as it played that was singing Boy George songs. Twas a riot.. but they thought it was fun.And so Maureen had sex with some furry little monkey named Peter. Peter had a quadruple strength orgasm which made Maureen feel superior to his weak manner and she decided To fabricate a a uh, um....... giant purple spinning tiger with spots who WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOed all and Maureen SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEd cuz she loves to lick paperclips in the cold which freezes to dumb people who like to lick your penis. So she jumped down from the top President's Bush head. and played some bongos with her big fat bum and its pal , whose name was Larry Jimbo and then music blasted big hairy camel-toe rock music that broke the windows of the trailer that peter was trying to paint Cuz he was going to sell a big huge chain of paperclips from his home. But before he went home he jumped offa bridge realizing he forgot To sex Maureen up real good he bought some used toilet paper which smelled like a sewer system to wipe the giant ass crack of life. Suddenly the ass crack opened widely and a dump started to fall on the city of Kitty Litter. Then, all of the kitties got covered in Peter's ass's I stuck Peter and Maureen in a life-sized condom where they were attacked-by-small one-celled organisms called the evil Hamburger stealing germies. Thhese germies loved Giving people diarrhea because they found it was pleasureful. MMM yummy...diarreha No not yummy ... but still funny to the iturf yeah it sure Was a funny sight. Anyway, back at the germies...They were jumping all over grandma's foot. Now she's got to chop it off and put her refrigerator knome on the wall by last week's victim's bloody severed toe and finger. These were now permanently mounted on a bumped post! named Fredrico the Abnormal Penis. Suddenly Fredrico jumped on a misshapen labia and got stuck. ass-deep in unidentified liquid. Then he ate Jello with a very long tire. Pogo Penis Jumped. He loved the way Jello felt on his big bulky sandwhich. It was mushy and articulate. White coat men Druged Him. Bitch and Butch were jamaican twin sisters who sneezed every salami flavored jello out of their various oriphices. Elvis was very disgusted and took a pickle flavored pill. He then spewed dildos named Fredrico topped with a freaky mojo sandwich that tasted freaky and Mojojojo sued the powerpuff girls for sexual harassment because they pinched his big round weasle flavored jello head boobies. If he balanced carefully, his three smurfs would cannibalize everyone and spread salt on remote controlled battery powered skates that fly through the gates of hell, where he dressed in satin and ran around with dead goats and chicken balls. One day, he noticed a big nicely toned ass sticking out of the jello pool. He thought "Gee, nice ass, Peter." Now, we all know that Peter does not have any morals whatsoever since he was exposed to radiation as a young destroyed his ability to create new ethical standards for living in suburban Toronto, which really had none to call its own throughout it's historic period of urban He got depressed and then undressed and took a big chunky dump smelled like flowers and he thought "Gee, wouldn't it be nice if Winston wore tutus?" Peter then proceeded to make his hair look funny using gel that worked like super-glue and stuck himself to his hand and asked winston to give him some help with getting his hand unstuck from inside his mass of moss green hair on his tongue. But Winston snorted and tore his clothes off and then stuck his hands into the chunky shit. He realized Peter was cheating on him WITH JOE! GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!!!!!! Now that Winston knew Peter's amazingly, fantastic new idea about combining spam with lego in attempt to create the perfect threesome between Winston, janet and halle. After this madness they ate peas. But not before watching a movie. The movie was "The Goonies"...duh! and it sucked when Peter found A big purple Jello smelling weasel. nestled cozily between the shoulder blades of a giant who smelled like paul after snowboarding .... NOW THAT SMELLED worse than a donkey on cocaine. So he decided to use nonsensical palendromes like all racecar land is (Linz: say what?!) (it says nonsensical) palindromes, as in racecar land is populated by many Dildos named Fredrico and cuties like me (of course) and girls who were ugly like someone is rocking that casba! There were cheerleaders that really needed 1000 iturf posts and a bump upside the head. Then Justin said "I want my money now, bitch" so Juan handed a wad of monopoly money to pimp daddy sugarcane who bought a old rusty axe. Mister Pimp decided that his grandmother just had to bake a pie for the little ferrets because they ate large toes and Brady screamed kiss my ass! THEY KILLED KENNY! And Pimp did. They all danced then, they shtupped like they'd never seen the light of a macaroon. then the aliens busted out laughing because they saw zombified drunk couches eating large armadillos and smoking cheese. this was normal because everyon knows couches have always armadillo fantasies everyday and bumped again because it was PEANUTBUTTER JELLY TIME!!! Gracefully arching across lemon meringue bridges was the ever-popular key lime pie! , said LOLLIPOP JOHNSON, another iTurf slag. This makes no sense said the person who wants dawl to sign onto AIM. Ahahahha said dawl, please hold while I sign onto AIM, yo yo. Ben thinks that smurfs are evil! Because they bite. They bit Ben's pet poodle Marcy which made him, oddly enough, drunk enough to kiss his own reflection off the stained whisky bottle, which would've given him the HIV virus from the mouth. His mouth smelled like Hot Ass of the night of 1000 dildos so he decided to rinse his mouth out with dildos named fredrico. He found this exhilarating because he had never experienced the taste of dildos named fredrico and chocolate fudge together before. The fright of shock on Andys B-Day made it even excitingly more richard, especially since he MADE POST 800! oh..........my..........god............ It's the great Swishy McJackass from lord of the cheese popcorn? Indeed, this definitely was a rather amusing because swishy was in fact NOT really fuzzy wuzzy like that little star wars ewok. "Aww how cute," said many a wizard-like creatures right before they started humping Winston's left inner thigh. I must admit this is disturbing. Nonetheless, many people jumped off at the Winston's Thigh Inner Train Station only to find something VERY wrong!

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